Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
