I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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