sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
