Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
