I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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