I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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