I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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