did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
