Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
