I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
