You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
