I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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