Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
