I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
