well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
