You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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