I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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