Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
