You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize