we have pet lesbian snakes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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