I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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