theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize