I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
