Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
