She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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