I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
