Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
