In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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