I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I would ride that face into the sunset
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
