ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
