she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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