omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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