As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
