i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize