I wish I could punch you in the face.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
