he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
