I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize