I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
