the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
