Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
