Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
