The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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