Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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