Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
