The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
