i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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