"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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