I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
