Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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