He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
