i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
