i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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