ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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