I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize