so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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