apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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