how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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