I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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