I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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