Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I love having hate sex.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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