She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
