I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Say something about gay babies.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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