please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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