No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
