Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
