I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
