Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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