When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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